THE GOLDEN AGE OF TUCCHADOM – ACT 1
(glossary of some IIMA specific lingo added below the article for non-IIMA visitors)
Ahmedabad: Taking the surprise element in quizzes to a new level, IIM-A faculty stumped the hapless facchas by announcing a quiz at 14:29:59 – without mentioning the subject!
Students who arrived later than 14:29:59 were stripped off their “calcis”, and asked to pen a juice within 5 minutes. The resulting outpours, which were deemed “inadequate by IIMA standards”, attracted penalties of so many sub-grades as fit the depth of their impotency.
“I thought it was a joke”, said a tear-stricken faccha, “and realised the truth too late. I have never written a juice in my life before. It was terrible! (Ed:the juice as well as his fate)”
“Yes, we have decided to make this process permanent”, said an overjoyed representative of PGP-Exams, “We tried to introduce academic rigor by setting difficult questions, but some muggus still aced all exams”, he frowned and admonished as he held up his finger, “Nobody should score above 70%. 70′s style!”
While facchas rummaged in their rooms to predict the subject and make heads or tails out of their notes; Tucchas shouted “Muggo Fucchon Muggo”, with such tempo and unison that the scaffoldings of our half-constructed Dorm 85 came down. This encouraged the tucchas who were joined by exchange students and our energetic dogs. Together, they started barking “Long Live PGP Office” in C minor.
“I was predicting a FRA quiz”, moaned a forlorn facchi, “but it turned out to be Marketing”, she said and added acidly “There was no case. They asked us to write an elegant, exhaustive and efficacious marketing plan that would help Apple collaborate across semantic content and generate promising sales performance by optimizing global P&L responsibility, organizational diversity, environmental accountability and emerging supply chain executability keeping in mind the logical evolution of their service matrix pillar and the re-contextualization of their converging collaborations”
The administration has found the new process encouraging and has decided to extend it to end term exams. For instance, Slot 1 MC end term exam can be held on a Sunday in slot 3. Of course you wouldn’t know it was MC (or Slot-1) until you looked at the question paper. Timing would be of paramount importance. The night after cluster1 placements can have a mega end term covering Slot1, 2, Engineering and 12th.
“This would prevent those who bagged job offers from enjoying until the entire batch got placed”, said a thoughtful placement chair.
When asked if the same process would be followed for tucchas, the administration declined and laughed it off by mentioning the pecking order at IIMA – faculty followed by TAs followed by dogs followed by Tucchas followed by Facchas. After all, the move was aimed to make facchas realise the degree of their worthlessness.
The grand culmination of this scheme is expected to result in a “Handbook on standards to conduct MBA exams”. Unlike the placement standards, other IIMs are already considering its adoption.
faccha – first year student at IIMA
tuccha – second year student
juice – Ah!..you can say that its a poetic expression of love written from the email account of someone who has left his laptop open and sent to the entire section (or batch)
Muggo Fucchon Muggo – The battle cry of IIMA exhorting facchas to stop fooling around and get their ass on the study-table
PGP – Post Graduate Program (in Management) – the 2 year management program at IIMA
TAs – Teaching Associates (to faculty)
Dedicated to the Golden Age of Tucchadom where I am vella enough to write such things